It’s a weird time going through treatment for cancer. When one lot of treatment ends there is a sense of relief, but it is not quite complete if there is another phase to come. You often hear ‘you must be happy ‘- ‘relieved’ – ‘grateful’ but the fact is those feelings are short lived in this state of altered being.

What i mean by that is that your body at whatever level of chemo or surgery you have had is not itself. It feels different - it can certainly look different, and your mindset is different - you are not yourself.

In the first stages of my treatment, I was very much of the mindset that I didn’t want to know details I wanted the my cancer to team to tell me where to go - what treatment, test or scan I was having and to ‘get on with it’.

I had that mindset of pushing through and getting it done, which has very much been my attitude to life in the last however many years. I was quietly terrified of the whole process and impatient for it to be just done and over with and ‘get on with it’ .

Well, ole’ cancer treatment doesn’t’ work like that.

It is a lot of waiting for things to happen, enduring treatment and then navigating the numerous side effects that can render you inert.

There is no place for impatience, there is no place for ‘get on with it’ - you have to just do day by day. Accept the process, accept the change to your life, accept you are not who you were before your diagnosis. There is a new you coming but you have to be patient. (Certainly not my strong point).

I must say though backing up for my next phase of treatment starting this week I have approached it slightly differently. I have chosen to ask questions and be a little more prepared in myself.

I have not gone down the treacherous void of google – that is sure to undo you – but relying on my lovely Breast Care Nurse team – knowledgeable and dealing with women going through it all everyday they have the best advice, are calm and kind and patient beyond belief. My oncologist the loveliest most gentle doctor who imparts everything calmly, kindly and answers as many questions as you have. This team of women have seen it all and see it all everyday – this is the knowledge I choose to rely on. So, although I am travelling into the unknown again of this next bit I feel comforted by the team I have guiding me with professional and anecdotal advice.

My point being in this long post is that wherever you are in your cancer route it is so okay to prepare yourself with asking lots of questions of your cancer team. The Breast Care Nurses are there for that purpose especially. And it’s so okay to be not okay about any of it too – this can on for days and that is also so okay – cancer sucks a big one big time and it’s so important to be able to fall apart about it whenever you need to and check the ‘get on with it’ attitude at the door.

Again gold star if you got the end of this post  Light and love peeps and as always –

Love Your Boobs xo